I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
