My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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