can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Randomize
