The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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