I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
