also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
we should paint friendship bongs
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
