so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
