the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
