I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
