Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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