giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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