just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.�
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
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