By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
