woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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