It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
