I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
