Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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