if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Randomize
