I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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