don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
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