Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
