I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Even my vagina gasped.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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