3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
