My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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