i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
