so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
last night I used snow as a chaser
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
