I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize
