she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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