There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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