worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
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