the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
All I want is dick and wine.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
