my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
