you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
