I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Randomize
