four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Randomize
