Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
