What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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