so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Randomize
