literally had 100 drinks last night.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Randomize
