We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Randomize
