worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
