Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
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