I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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