We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
