My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
