***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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