Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
