Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
