3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Randomize
