Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
